I have a female friend who told me a rather surprising secret. I have known her for years as being slightly petite, just 5 foot 2 inches tall, and sexy and beautiful. She is in her mid twenties, has been in several relationships with guys and she discovered that she has been cursed with a crazy problem. She is too small down there. The female bit that the guy messes with so that a man and woman can make sexy love. Men basically can’t have any fun with her because the “doorway” is too small. You get me?
Basically, some women do have this problem. The problem of small sexual organs. She is not a petite teen, she’s an adult, same age as me. So she met me recently and over coffees we got talking about boyfriends and girlfriends, and she confided in me. What a surprise it was. She can go all the way with a guy in a physical relationship, except, she can’t go all the way. Nature it seems has struck a blow.
She is troubled by being a small female with a petite-ish body and “parts” that make it difficult for her to enjoy a physical relationship with her hunky guy. In other words, ladies, her vagina is too small to allow any proper sexual relationship with her boyfriend. I asked how small? What limits are we talking about. She replied “pencil size”. Oh boy. This is the curse of small women who can’t seem to have sex. What can my friend do about it?
Most women can take a joke, but not be able to go all the way with a guy? Come on. This is crazy. So like, how many boyfriends has she lost over this mishap? Apparently, quite a few. Guys get very fired up when they discover there is no access down there. Short of using a hammer, they can’t get “it” in. Bummer. She has had all kind of comments ranging from “Gee – it’s a bit tight today…” or things like “I’m just popping down to the Hardware store for a Kango Hammer, see if that gets it open…”
I felt embarrassed for her, and surprised, since she’s a real “looker” but I felt she needed to go and see a doctor or Sexual Expert or Therapist about it. I admire her bravery her willingness to talk about it, and I feel so bad for her because it has ruined some very sweet relationships for her in the past. She is a very gorgeous lady. And I like her more than I ought to, really. So asking me for any last minute advice – there in that cafe, I felt weird, thinking why she was asking me. She knows I have a girlfriend, and that we are living together. She asked me if I would call myself either an expert in “those issues” or issues to do with “stuff down there” or whatever.
I am not ashamed of who I am as a woman. All I could tell her was that yes, I have a certain experience, but I usually keep it to myself, for the most part anyway. I suggested to her as a friend that she try being more relaxed with herself. Maybe the smallness down there, i.e., the small vagina is compounded by muscles and parts of the body that have to relax more, and loosen up. She has had in reality, very little experience and so has not had her “equipment fully tested” if you get my drift. She has a desk job, but works out in a gym a lot.
A little massage therapy would work wonders down there. Massage before lovemaking is wonderful, as it relaxes both parties accordingly. Her boyfriend certainly would not object to that. I find that massage made me sleep, alas. (It works too well for me!) And then there is room for some gentle foreplay perhaps.
Foreplay is wonderful as it breaks the ice and relaxes both people, and the more relaxed both people are, the better things work. We relax, we let our guard down, and our bodies act accordingly. Kissing and touching works like a curious affirmation in a way. We learn what our partner likes or does not like. What is good to touch and what is not. And things tend to work better when we are relaxed and comfortable with each other and each other’s bodies. Well, that’s my theory and I’m sticking to it.
One other idea was to use some sex toys as an adjunct to foreplay. Ok, some people might not be comfortable with that, and prefer au naturelle. Despite some stigma about these items, a little medium sized “helper” (okay, dildo is the helper in question, ya happy now!) can help to stimulate the general area, and relax the woman and help to prime the area for the main event, so to speak. Gentleness works here. Another idea was to use some special lubricant that can help to make things work more smoothly. Not all women are terribly keen on this, and yes, I understand this also.
Not all lubricants can be used in that area, so again, only an expert can say what kind of product for sure can be used around or within the vagina. Again, this is an entirely private matter for the woman to decide on. Some women suffer from a sort of dryness. A thing where the woman’s organs don’t provide enough natural lubricant and so things feel more stiff, more sore, and more painful. I asked her did this size thing run in her family, and she just didn’t know, she never even thought of that. When you are sitting in a cafe having refreshments, you have to really think hard to focus on this. It is certainly an unusual problem…
A woman also needs to be realistic about her male partner, and his size. It might not be the sole reason in my friend’s case, but some men are just BIG, and so are their body parts and so a “fit” might be out of the question. And it can be embarrassing. (She has had this issue with quite a few of her boyfriends.) How many women do you know have admitted, “I couldn’t manage him, because he was too big for me…and rate that and compare it to “…we’ve been trying for ages but nothing is happening, we’re still trying…” Women are reluctant to admit this…and some men are annoyed by it. To be fair on guys, some men are just amazing and very understanding and accomodating, so well done you guys!
I also think that it’s not just the body and the “bits” that need to relax. It’s the mind as well. The woman has to be comfortable. She has to feel relaxed and reassured. She needs to be made to feel confident, not ashamed of either her body or lack of experience. The woman has to be ready. A woman asking herself “what the hell am I getting into here?” is not ready for this.
Some women crave the experience of having a sexual relationship, (some, you crazy woman! You mean lots!!!) yet the woman can dread it as well. They might not be aware of this. The woman may have had an issue from a previous occasion where a bad thing happened to her. Perhaps abuse even. Or some remark or criticism made about her figure or just someone who was being nasty to her. I know very little about how the mind works or how people can be affected psychologically by events like that. But it can happen. Our confidence can be knocked. It usually happens when we are young and impressionable. When things can leave a permanent mark on us.
A woman may have an expectation of what sex involves, and it might not be realistic or it’s just plain false, or planted in her head somehow. Women can sometimes be unwittingly pressured into a physical relationship by a boyfriend who complains constantly or has some affectation, or is making some excuse.
The boyfriend might be taking advantage of the woman’s circumstance and lack of experience. Some guys just want the physical relationship but not much more. The woman should be able to trust her guy, and feel safe and assured. This is more related to relationship and maturity issues than size issues. And in fairness to guys, not all guys do this. There are understanding men out there too. I have met some of them.
Some women rely on other things to help them feel more relaxed. Alcohol being one. Drugs being another. I advocate the use of none of these. If you want to be able to remember anything of what your experience is as it happens, deadening your brain using artificial means like this is not the way. A physical relationship can be beautiful and satisfying. It is something that should be enjoyed by both parties, and should not come with any false or unfair preconditions. Which brings me to the subject that always hangs around, condoms.
To wear or not to wear. Surprisingly, my friend’s boyfriend was not using a condom. This could also be a cause for concern. And an issue that could cause stress or tension. What about the woman’s opinion? Doesn’t she have a say? She sure as hell does. The woman has every right not to get pregnant if she does not wish it. And if she requests that he wears a condom, he should comply. If he cares about her, he will comply anyway. (He knows she is worth it.) If he doesn’t, then he is just out for his own personal gratification. So if he won’t wear a condom as she requests, he needs to know the implication in no uncertain terms. And the woman should not be afraid to put her foot down and refuse, then he can go without. (#1)
Women I find ( ok, slight rant here) – need to be more knowlegeable and learn more about their bodies and how things work. I don’t want to be tagged an expert on the subject. Or a moaning old so-and so. I’m in my mid 20’s for goodness sake. But I favour better education of females in their teens when they will be experimenting and finding things out anyway. (This applies to western cultures. Some other cultures are not as rapid in dealing with such matters. Talking about sex is taboo in some parts of the world.) By sharp contrast to this – half of the women I know were experimenting during teen years with sexual partners.
Education is almost another word for Awareness, and being aware of our bodies and what happens when a male and female get together physically for sex is some of the most important Rules of Life we will ever learn. Ignorance is the woman’s enemy. Is that sexual experience going to happen out of curiosity? Is it experimental? Is it recreational? Is it for the purpose of starting a family? Does she also understand a thing called abstinence? (Does he?)
Information is power. Yes it IS boring and a large pain to have to think about the deed before doing it. But then so is getting a mortgage for buying a house. But no one rushes haphazardly into that decision without planning and thinking. Why not planning and thinking before having sex? Since when did talking about it beforehand go out of fashion?
The matter is almost resolved, and you can now read below the update to the sexandchatonline.com blog and see the outcome. She is the only female friend (from College days) that I have who has ever told me this. She has a decent and understanding boyfriend. I wonder is she an isolated case? Or do many other women out there suffer with similar issues with the female organs? Since I began asking myself that question, I have found the answer is yes. Petite women are more affected, it seems. I sincerely wish that they find ways of overcoming this.