Unfortunately, monogamous relationships are very rare nowadays in our society; even amongst married couples. It is easy to verbally commit to one person through promises and vows; however, people are falling short of their commitments, physically and emotionally by “cheating.” A common definition of cheating is “to be sexually unfaithful.” However, a more distinct and specific definition given by the dictionary is “to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud.” Whether they realize it or not; through their deceitful and fraudulent acts, cheaters deprive their mates of the valuable ability to trust and love wholeheartedly, with confidence and security.
Each year, millions of people hearts are broken and dreams are shattered by a cheating mate. Many times they are left with the tormenting unanswered question, “Why?” The most common excuse that cheaters use for cheating is “they are not getting their needs met by their mate.” This may be true in some instances; however, it is not in most cases. The majority of cheaters will not take responsibility for their cheating ways and will try to put the blame on their mates.
Sadly, cheaters will not expose the real reasons for their cheating and some may not even know the underlining reasons why they cheat. Therefore, seeking to answer the question, “Why do people really cheat?” I randomly asked several people the question and was somewhat surprised by some of the answers that I received. Many times people associate cheating with unfulfilled sexual desires and lust. However, the reasons why people cheat is much more complicated than that. There are several deep rooted reasons why people cheat and they are exposed in this article.
Reasons Why People Cheat
1. Fear of true commitment:
Many people are afraid to genuinely commit to a monogamous relationship. They believe that if they commit wholeheartedly to one person, their chances of getting hurt or “played” increases tremendously. Therefore, they cheat trying to keep from falling in love; which they consider as a weakness. Having control over their feelings and emotions are of the utmost importance. Getting too attached to one person gives them a sense of losing control; therefore they feel that they must do something to keep them in control; and so they cheat.
2. To get revenge.
Some people cheat because they were cheated on. When a person is cheated on, they are initially hurt, then they become angry and finally revenge is their motive, sometimes. When seeking revenge, the person somehow believe that if they cheated on the person who cheated on them, then it would make them feel better. In reality, it only makes them feel worse because now they have become the person whom they despise (the cheater).
3. They were raised to do so.
Many people cheat because they were raised to cheat. Males are told and taught how to be “a player” at a very young age. Many men were told when they were young boys, that they should always have more than one girlfriend. Having multiple girlfriends is not only acceptable for boys and men, it is greatly encouraged. Many times, males are actually mocked and ridiculed if they commit to only one woman. They are called “whipped” or “weak.” On the other hand, it is not as acceptable for women to cheat. However, nowadays it is more common for women to cheat than it was years ago.
Nevertheless, there is still a negative stigma associated with women who cheat. Some women are raised to always have a “back-up-guy.” This means she should have someone else in her life, besides her mate. If her mate messes up or doesn’t give her the attention that she wants, then she will have the back-up-guy to rely on. Sometimes the back-up-guy gives emotional support, sometimes he gives financial support, sometimes he gives physical support (sex chat), and many times he gives all three. Somehow, this makes women feel in control and empowered.
4. Major egos.
Some people egos are so big that they actually believe that they are so wonderful, fine, sexy, beautiful, handsome or “all that and a bag of chips” that anyone would be blessed just to have them spend any amount of time with them. Egotistical cheaters feel as if they have too much going for themselves and cannot possibly give their all to one person; therefore, it is their duty to society to spread their love around.
5. To escape reality, by trying to live out a fantasy.
This is especially true for those who are married. Many times when problems arise in a relationship, instead of trying to work through it, a cheater will try to escape the problems and the relationship by cheating with someone who can assist them with living out a fantasy. The fantasy may be that they are single, happy with no commitments. While with the other person, the cheater will act out the fantasy by pretending to be single, with no commitments or attachments.
6. Because they can.
Ultimately, people cheat because they believe that they can get away with it, even if their mate or mates find out about it. Most cheaters do and say little things around their mates to see how they are going to react. Their mates’ reaction will be an indicator to cheaters and may very well be a determinant regarding how and when they should cheat. If a cheater gets away with cheating once, it is most likely that they will continue to cheat. They now feel like they “can have their cake and eat it too.”
There are rare occasions when cheaters cheat only once. However, the norm is cheaters will do what they know, “cheat.”